Hubby and I root for different football teams. He likes the Ravens, and I swear (literally, these days) by the Cowboys. We do agree on one thing though: Flacco and Romo both need to man up and stop playing like little homos. Don't get me wrong, I think they both have much talent and a lot of potential. They just most often these days leave all of that on the sideline when it comes down to what really counts: using their brain.
So here goes, in no particularly annoying order (everything seems to be annoying me when it comes to these two these days):
Unibrow vs Cocky Smirk
Flacco: Squidward, urhhmm, sorry, Flacco, shave. Pluck. Wax. Whatever your preferred method of hair removal, get rid of the fuckin' unibrow. First, it's not aerodynamic. Second, it's butt ugly. And by the way, growing your unibrows into a Fu Man Chu does nothing to fix the problem.
Romo: What the fuck is up with your little cocky superstar wannabe smirk in post-game interviews? Pose for GQ in the off season, not after throwing a stupid pick that cost your team a much needed win. I've got news for you homo boy, you've got nothing to smile about, not even golf.
Brain Freeze vs Brain Fart
Flacco: Dominating time of possession doesn't mean you're supposed to hold on to the ball for most of the game. See the guys in purple running down the field? Throw the damn pigskin to them. Throw the damn pigskin to the hot dog vendor. Throw the damn pigskin to the referee. You DO NOT have to hold the ball until strip sacked in each and every game.
Romo: I would like to know how a guy that seems to be really wanting his team to win for the first three quarters of a game suddenly turns around in the fourth and helps the OTHER team score. When they say you should try to be the best quarterback in the game, they don't mean you should do it for BOTH teams. When I see you freeze, ball in hand, wondering what the fuck to do with the ball and then passing it to your opponent with that fuckin smirk (see above), I find myself as confused as Wade Phillips looks most of the time.
Dazed and Confused vs Pretty Woman
Flacco: Let's face it. You're not the pretty woman. However, you often look stoned, lost, downright moronic and goofy. You silly goose. If football were a movie, you would be a stupid sitcom with no plot, no direction and long, drawn out jokes that just aren't funny. You basically make me want to change the channel and watch the home shopping network for hours on end.
Romo: Oh you sweet, purty little thing. Homo, no one cares how precious you look. What we do care about is to see you handle the game like you should, which you don't. Besides, you've got no chance of getting Richard Geere's attention, unless, maybe, you start playing like a winner.
Let's face it, the way you're both playing right now, you're not going to Disney World. You're not even going to a stupid knockoff Disney World amusement park. The only place you're going is nowhere, and fast. Ok, mebby you'll make it to Dancing With the Stars, and you'll be throwing your partner instead of a football. Meh.
